Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
