trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
