He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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