Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
