Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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