So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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