everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
