while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
