I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
