Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
