gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
