I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
