i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
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