return my video game
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
