Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Randomize
