Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
