Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
