Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
