when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
