Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
