my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Drunk is a universal language darling
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
