I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
