so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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