Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
