I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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