i think i have herpe
just one?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
