Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
