You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
