So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
