Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
