my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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