Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
