she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
