So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
