Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
