Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
