I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
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