one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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