just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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