stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
