I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
