I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Small penises have feelings too.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I cut my penus on the lid.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
