out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
