threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
