i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
