Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I want to fling myself into the sun
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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