I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
