sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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