Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
