I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
