Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
