Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
How does it feel to date your dad?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
