what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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