dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
