Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
40s are totally the cure
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
